Understanding Fear
by Bay93
Summary: Saying Anakin didnt die in SbS, heres what could have happened.
1. Chapter 1

His eyes blinked open and sorted through the haze of a rustic home. How did he get here? Where was he? _Who_ was he? The past day was a blur. Images of an alien species ran through his mind. A group of young adults and aliens had been sent on a mission for _something_. Pictures of an older boy and girl with brown hair and brandy eyes pricked his memory. But the most vivid was one of a young, blonde hair, green eyed woman, tears streaming down her face as she saw him.

He finished blinking and regained full consciousness. Suddenly, all his memories flooded back to him.

His name.

Anakin Solo.

His mission.

Myrkyr.

His siblings.

Jacen and Jaina.

His best friend.

Tahiri.

Silently looking around the room, he focused on his environment. Anakin was in a makeshift hermit home, like the one Yoda had lived in. He could feel the Force again, like returning home.

Memories continued to flow back in Anakins head. Had he been _dead_? What had revived him.

Tahiri. He didn't know if she had lived, he couldn't feel her. Every nerve in Anakins body tensed in fear of her not living. If she hadn't, he knew for sure, there was no reason for him to survive.

A presence came from the corner of the room. Anakin moved to see, then regretted instantly doing so. Everything hurt. He forced his head to look over, and everything darkened in fear.

Vong, he thought to himself. With no strength, he couldn't escape, it wouldn't take the Vong long to realize he was awake. And in true Vong fashion, he would likely be tortured to death, or shaped. He wasn't going to be shaped, and he would never let a Vong kill him.

He saw his lightsaber. Anakin knew he could kill himself with it.

In one quick, painful motion, he plucked the light saber from the mantel it had been resting on. The Vong turned with a look of horror on its tattooed face. Anakin ignited it, and a purpled blade shot out.

"Anakin, no!" the Vong cried.


	2. Chapter 2

Anakins blade came just short of his neck

Anakins blade came just short of his neck. The cry had made him freeze. "How do you know my name?" he asked shakily.

"I'm not Vong." She replied.

With blade still ignited, he replied, "Explain."

"My name is Mynalni, I was taken from Dantooine during Vong raid. They attempted to shape me in the process and failed."

"Where am I"

"Still on Myrkyr. I saw you killed during your last battle, then took you to my home."

Anakin blinked, "Killed?"

Mynalni nodded, "When I took you here, I put you into a deep healing trance that restored your life."

"You're a Jedi?"

Her eyes filled with sadness, "Not any more. I was finishing my training on Dantooine when I was taken. I lost my lightsaber, and never built another."

"How did you escape?"

"I was with them for nearly ten standard years, and they began to trust me. I got enough freedom to leave the gates, and took that chance to leave."

Anakin tried to sit up, and pain shot through every muscle. He winced.

"It is going to take your body some time to adjust to movement again."

That startled him, "How long have I been out?"

"Nearly four months."

Four months, his family didn't even know he was alive. Tahiri probably thought the same.

If she's alive, he thought bitterly to himself.

"Your friend left here alive."

"She did?" relief flowed over him.

"The one who was shaped, yes."

"Was she alright?"

"Minor injuries, but yes," she nodded.

Anakin put his hands on the bed to get up, "I have to get to them-"

And a firm hand from Mynalni pushed him back, "You are not strong enough. You will stay here until you can leave."

Thoughts ran through Anakins head, until one occurred to him. He shook it.

"I can't let them see me like this."

Mynalni cocked her head, "Why?"

"I am weak."

"Families are the people who are meant to see you weak."

Anakin shook his head, "I can't."

Mynalni handed him a bowl, "Then eat this, and rest."


	3. Chapter 3

Anakin was running away from something

_Anakin was running away from something. He was on a strange world. Tahiri was running in front of him. He stopped, Tahiri turned around._

"_No!" she screamed._

Anakin pushed himself up, away from the dream. Or had it been a vision? Either way, he felt disgusting, he had sticky sweat all over him.

He turned around the room, he couldn't find Mynalni. That gave him freedom.

Anakin went outside to run. It was cool and damp, he never heated up. He could feel the Force flow through him as he used it as fuel. It refreshed him. His muscles started to hurt, and he turned back.

When he returned, Mynalni was back.

"Tell me about her," she said.

Anakins head turned back, "Who?"

"Your friend, the one who was shaped."

"Oh. Well, she talks a lot, and goes everywhere barefoot. But she changed a lot when she was shaped. She doesn't seem as spunky now. She refuses to get rid of the scars they marked her with on her forehead. But she's still just as beautiful." Anakin stopped. Had he really said that?

Mynalni smiled, "Ah," her eyes sparkled.

"I didn't mean to say that," he sputtered.

"Friends grow up," she said simply.

Anakin thought about that. Things had started changing since he was around her again. When he first saw her on Yavin Four, after he had left the academy, he almost hadn't recognized her. She had _changed. _She wasn't nine, Tahiri was fifteen now. Anakin had noticed things about her. Things he had never noticed before. Her eyes, her hair. They used to just be normal, but now, nothing was.

And he had kissed her. _What_ had he been thinking? No, he knew. Anakin was so afraid of losing her again, like he almost had on Yavin Four, it had surprised him. Anakin smiled, it had certainly surprised her.

Anakin reminisced back to the dream. Was it the Force trying to warn him? It worried him that Tahiri was with him. He didn't want her in any danger. Since Yavin, he could see he had gotten protective, but he couldn't help it. He knew as a Jedi, Tahiri was put in those situations, but he couldn't help it. At times, Tahiri had been more than a friend. and he couldn't lose her.

But he knew he had to build his physical strength before he could see her. Clearing his thoughts, he headed outside.


	4. Chapter 4

"Mynanli

"Mynanli?"

"Yes Anakin?"

"How exactly, did you save me?" weeks had past since he had awoke, and Anakin had thought about this particular event more than others.

"I told you, a deep healing trance," she replied.

"I know, but it seems like you must have had to do some to _revive_ me."

Mynalni smiled, "You are a smart boy Anakin, and strong in the force. Yes, I did use something stronger, called a raise trance. It can keep people from dying, or bring the, back to life. But it does not always work, it takes someone strong in the Force, mentally, and physically. You are all three, would you like me to teach it to you?"

"It certainly couldn't hurt."

After meditation and Force meld, Anakin learned the trade of a raise meld. He only hoped he would never have to use it.

Mynalni had taken Anakin to her old X-wing that he would use to leave Myrkr. When returning to her house, she asked, "What is your family like?"

"My sister Jaina has always been more like my friend then my sister. Jacen, he always wants to lead things, be in control. My mother, she's bold and opinionated, but is also quiet. My dad is, loud. My uncle is hard, because he's my master, councilor and uncle. My aunt tells what on her mind and can seem intense, but is also kind and loving."

"Sounds like you know them well."

Anakin shrugged,"Yeah, I guess."

They walked in silence for a while, when it was broken by Mynalni sayingm, "Your lucky, you know."

He turned to her,"Why?"

"Most Jedi, me included, leave their families at a very young age, see them scattered times after, or sometimes never. Your uncle is the Jedi Master, your mother, brother, and sister are all force sensitive, so you see them always."

"I guess I've thought about it, but at the same time, it seems like a curse. The entire galaxy knows who my parents are, and it's strange, because to me their just my family."

Mynalni laid a hand on Anakins shoulder, "Some day Anakin," she said "you will see how lucky you are."


	5. Chapter 5

_Two months later._

A crimson sun rose in the distance as Anakin and Mynalni made their way to her X-wing. Two of Myrkrs moons shone sheerly above the sun.

"Anakin," Mynalni said. He turned to her.

"This X-wing has always been my only way to leave this place, but I've never left. When you leave, don't come back."

"Are you sure?"  
"Definetly."

They sat in silence, watching the sun rise over the hills. Mynalni laid a hand on his arm, and Anakin nodded. As he climbed into the X-wing, he gave Mynalni a hug saying,

"I will never forget what you did for me."

"Thank you."

The X-wing took off, and flew into space. Anakin turned around to look at the planet. He turned away, punched hyperspace, and stars became lines.

Anakin sat in the cockpit and meditated. He stretched out, in search for his family. The planet where they were was close, possibly three hours. He stretched farther. Hapes. He smiled, it made sense. Tenel Ka was Queen Mother of Hapes, it mad a save haven for refugees. He sat in for the flight to Hapes.

When he landed on Hapes, a young woman in mid thirties greeted him.

"Welcome to Hapes, is there anything I can help you with?" she said kindly.

"I need to speak with Queen Mother Tenel Ka."

She looked unsurprised, "A lot of people do, but I'm not sure you can."

"If you can contact her, tell her my name is Anakin Solo." He smiled.

"Okay, but prepare for a long wait." She said as she walked toward the building.

An hour later, Anakin saw a speeder come into sight. When it slowed, Tenel Ka jumped out and ran to hug him.

"It's good to see you alive Anakin, though, surprising."

Anakin laughed softly, "I better get used to those responses."

"Most likely."

"I'm looking for my family." He finally said.

"Ah, yes. They are here, I've housed them in one of the palaces guest homes. I can direct you to them, I feel your eagerness."

"Please do," he was very eager, "Tenel Ka?"

"Yes?"

"Its good to see you."

"They are in house three just ahead," Tenel Ka said as they reached the home.

"Thanks," Anakin said rather shortly as e started walking towards the house.

Leia Organa Solo felt a presence, a good one. Her instincts told her to wait outside. But first... she looked over to the corner of the room. Tahiri Veila sat with knees curled underneath her chin, staring out the window. _Good_, she thought. The young woman had taken her sons death very hard, so hard, that she had come to live with the Solos until the nightmares she'd been plagued with left. She looked over to the table where Han sat.

"Han?"

"Hmm?"

"Come with me."

He too looked silently at Tahiri and nodded.

They went down and stood at the front of the house.

"Why are we here?" Han finally asked.

"I had a feeling."

"The force?"

"I don't know."

Anakin neared the house and saw two _very_ familiar figures standing outside with their back to him. He walked up quietly behind them.

"Hi mom." he said softly.

His mother turned around, the shock clear on her face, "Oh my gosh..." she said, then pulled him into a tight hug. Han wrapped his arms around his son and wife.

"Your alive," was all he said.

After tears and questions, Anakin finally said, "Where is Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara?"

"Down in a larger building with all the other Jedi. Some stayed to help with the refugees." Leia replied.

"I need to go see them."

"Anakin, I'm sure they already know your here." Han said.

"As much as I want to see them, I have to see Tahiri first, is she there too?"

Han and Leia looked at each other, terror gripped Anakin.

"What?" he demanded, "where is she?"

"You don't have to look that far Anakin," Leia said, "She's upstairs," her head nodded toward the house.

Question took place of worry, "Why? Shouldn't she be with the other Jedi?"

"Yes but..." Leias voice trailed.

"But what?" he cried.

"This isn't going to be easy for you to hear," she paused, "Anakin, Tahiri left the order."


	6. Chapter 6

"She What

"She _What?"_

Leia nodded. Anakins head spun.

"Why?" was his main question.

"She just couldn't do it. Seemed like your "death" hit her harder than we all thought." Han answered.

"Can I see her?"

Leia nodded, "of course."

Anakin turned when he heard his fathers voice, "Anakin?" he turned back, Hans expression was one he couldn't place.

"Be careful with Tahiri. She's not the same girl you knew."

Tahiri's heart hurt more with every breath. She knew she should talk to Master Luke about it, but she couldn't bring herself too.

She couldn't help feel uneasy that Leia and Han had left so suddenly, but it was likely better she didn't know.

Tahiri felt a presence behind her, one that was a lot like Jacen, but different. She felt him sit next to her. She didn't care.

Anakin had never seen Tahiri like this. She didn't even move.

She had changed even in the short amount of time he'd been gone. Her hair had gotten longer, and her complexion had paled. But it was her eyes that worried him. Those beautiful green eyes that had once been filled with happiness, had turned dull and dark.

"Tahiri?" he said softly barely above a whisper.

She turned to look at him, paining him, "Anakin?" she said as if she doubted.

"Yeah, its me."

Tahiri slowly put her arms around is waist, silently. Something Anakin wasn't used to. She was never quiet. Five minutes later she spoke.

"I don't want to let go." she said quietly.

Afraid he could cry, Anakin kept his arm over her shoulders, and slowly stroked her hair, "Its ok," he said, "you don't have to."

Then next morning, Anakin saw Jaina just before she left for the squadron.

"Whats wrong Anakin." she said.

"I'm worried about Tahiri," he replied, "she isn't herself."

"Talk to her. No I don't mean ask her if she's ok then leave her alone, I mean TALK to her. You've been gone a long time, you two need to talk," Jaina put a hand on his shoulder, "trust me."

Anakin gave her a hug, and she left. And he knew he needed to talk to Tahiri.


	7. Chapter 7

Everyone had left for business, leaving Anakin and Tahiri at home

Everyone had left for business, leaving Anakin and Tahiri at home. He decided this would be a good time to talk with her, like Jaina had said.

He found her on the verdana, looking over Hapes. Her hair was down and willowy as she leaned against the railing. Anakin walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. Tahiri flinched.

"Tahiri I don't understand," he said, "ever since I came back, you've treated me like some stranger. I just don't understand!" Anakins voice and risen in exasperation.

Tahiri turned to Anakin, emotionless, and gave a surprising answer, "Your right, you _don't _understand. You don't understand what its like when your friend never contacts you. You don't understand what its like to be taken by Vong. You don't understand what its like to have another person living inside your head. You don't understand what it's like to be weak, or scared, or alone," her voice lowered, "you don't understand what it's like to have your only stabilizer, your best friend, _ripped_ out from underneath you, and you can't stop it. So your right, you don't understand." she herself away from the railing and walked away.

"So your going to blame that on me?" Anakin finally said.

"Why not? You take the blame for everything else."

"I-"

"What? Do you feel sorry for yourself. Anakin, I _quit_ the Order after you left. You hurt me so bad I couldn't cry."

"I didn't know." he said softly.

"And the worst part is, is that there is no way after six months of healing, you could be in that good of physical condition. Meaning you stayed on Myrkr for a least two extra months getting back in shape." she stopped.

"I couldn't let you see me like that." Anakin mumbled.

"We're the ones who are meant to see you like that." with a small shake of her head, Tahiri walked away.

"Tahiri!" Anakin tried to stop her, but she continued to walk.

_How dare he!_ was the only thought in Tahiris mind. Did he honestly think, he could just walk right back in. She had put up so many barriers to protect herself, they would take a lifetime to destroy. When she returned from the mission Anakin "died" on, everything reminded her of him. Quitting the Order had helped little if at all.

Tahiri had been pained so deep she hadn't been able to cry. She'd try, just to relieve the pain, but nothing worked. And now that he was back, her shattered soul hurt more than ever. She went into her tiny roomed where she could think in silence, she laid on the floor to try to get peace.

When seeing Jaina that night, Anakin told her about the meeting with Tahiri. After relaying the message, Jaina was shocked.

"I didn't know she had it in her."

"What, you've never had her blow up on you?"

"No, I mean literally. I didn't know you hurt her this bad."

"You make it sound like I broke her heart."

Jaina looked sad, "You did."


End file.
